2009

Metro Division				Capitol Division
Long Island	118	43	...	Silver Spring	107	53	...
Beacon	102	59	16	Gunpowder	101	61	7
Scranton	100	62	19	Norfolk	97	65	11
Lawton	69	93	50	Rapidan	75	87	33
Newark	59	103	60	Woebegone	66	96	42
Bethesda	57	105	62	Innisfree	63	97	44

Central Division				Atlantic Division
Horseshoe Bay	100	62	...	Fargo	103	59	...
Bradenton	87	75	13	Farmington	76	86	27
Evanston	79	82	21	Allegheny	74	88	29
Morgantown	77	85	23	Brooklyn	73	87	29
Waukesha	64	98	36	Portsmouth	73	88	30
Mimosa	57	105	43	Rochester	62	100	41

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Comments –

Marty Fiehl - Game 5 of the series between Silver Spring and Scranton this evening.......and we bring you the following play:

Home Run #8 for Junior Griffey this year, but MORE importantly, it was home run #575 of his career! This moves him one ahead of Sammy Sosa to claim sole possession of Third Place in the list of TCBA Career Home Runs!

#1 Position is Barry Bonds with 784

#2 Position is Hank Aaron with 740

So there is no chance Junior will ever be able to catch either of them, it would have been nice if he could have reached 600 total; but for now, we'll bask in his hitting his 575th, each and every one in a Scranton uniform.

And now, back to our regularly scheduled game........

Bob Wood - My father passed away last night at age 76, completing his 7-year battle with leukemia. Surrounded by family and friends in his final hours, he had a relatively easy finish.

Marty Fiehl - I'd like to welcome JR Richardson into the TCBA as the new manager of the Kennett Franchise!

…After intense negotiations on the franchise fee and parking lot concessions, JR couldn't resist the challenge of rebuilding the Komet club which has been dormant for a year or two, and in need of some qualified, on the field, managerial guidance. JR will be announcing a new team name in the near future, but for now, maybe he should call them, The Naturals, as there is a strong Hobbsian connection to our new manager.

He's good friends with Jeff, who recommended him in the first place, and he's also attended several college courses taught by Gerry. The pupil is now the teacher, as JR teaches college level math in Pittsburgh.

The location is important as its close proximity to southern Pennsylvania, and JR is looking forward to meeting us next year at the Rookie Draft where he'll work on a formula for outbidding us all on Wieters! My wife keeps 'passing' on MY Wieter........but that’s another story. :-)

JR is 28 years old, single, and at this point, should outlive everyone else in the TCBA! He is the Commish of his own league, the RBA, and enjoys writing baseball books. His next chapter will be a forthcoming team name. :-)

JR's team will have a Trade Embargo placed on it for a while until he can become familiar with our league, teams, history and players. I'll announce a time in the future when the 'trading lamp is lit'.

JR Richardson - Welcome TCBAers, members of the local media, the international press corps, and Peter Gammons, who surely has mistaken this press conference for a Pearl Jam concert. I have amassed you here today to announce the relocation and formation of the Rochester Cheetahs, a new team in the Atlantic Division of the TCBA. My name is JR Richardson, the team's owner, and I couldn't be happier to call this league, and Rochester, Minnesota, my new stomping grounds. Without further ado, I'll now take your questions.

Reporter #1: Is that rather saucy-looking cat at the side of the stage really your new mascot?

JR: What a good eye. The cheetah (acinonyx jubatus) is a member of the cat family.

Reporter #1: I'm pretty sure that you badly mispronounced whatever you just said.

JR: <raises eyebrows deviously> But the people reading the transcription will never know.

Reporter #1: Besides, I meant that particular cheetah. The one in sunglasses? The one standing with his arms crossed and his oversized sneakers kicked to one side?

JR: That would be Chester Cheetah, official team sponsor and purveyor of such tasty snacks as Flamin' Hot Crunchy Cheetos, the cheese snack that bites back. They'll be available at every concession stand, but remember: It ain't easy being cheesy.

Reporter #2: Judging by this press conference, it seems easy enough.

JR: He will have full control of the farm team, which, in honor of his favorite snack, Doritos, will now be named the Cool Ranch Farm. Adjust your programs accordingly.

Reporter #3: Chester Cheetah's favorite snack is Doritos and not Cheetos?

JR: We're not all married to our work, you know. Next question?

Reporter #4: Would you care to comment on the reasoning behind the name of your stadium?

JR: In this tough economy, we chose a brand that would identify us with the local community. I decided to name the stadium Hellmann's Mayo Center because I wanted the people who support the condiment of choice in this city to know that I stand with them. Any town committed enough to name an entire clinic after their favorite sandwich spread deserves to be rewarded with such an accolade.

Reporter #4: Surely you know that the Mayo Clinic has nothing to do with Mayonnaise.

JR: <shifting eyes> What? Of course I do. <leans down and clears throat> Next question.

Reporter #4: What did you mean by-

JR: Next. Question.

Reporter #5: Is it true that you have a natural rivalry with Jeff Hobbs and the Fargo Fungoes based on their geographical proximity and intradivisional status?

JR: I think that Jeff's team is like a plan to kidnap one's wife to collect the ransom money: When it is composed, it sounds like it could be successful, but when it is actually put to use, it tends to malfunction in several different ways. My team is like a quirky, smalltown cop that is pregnant with the desire to win and driven by only one purpose: Stopping Jeff's team from succeeding. In the end, of course, Jeff will end up in a wood chipper. He did trade for a third baseman with that very name, after all. This isn't rocket science.

Reporter #6: Can you comment on the promotions that you plan to offer during this upcoming season?

JR: Excellent question! We have the following promotions lined up:

(A) Corey Patterson Highlight Reel Giveaway: The first 10,000 fans through the gates receive a special DVD showing all of Corey's successful plate appearances last season. This 12 second video includes: A bunt single, a Texas leaguer, and his one career walk.

(B) Dice-K versus Rick "Wild Thing" Vaughn Challenge: During the seventh inning stretch, Dice and Rick will face off to see how many cardboard cutouts of Jeff Hobbs they can behead in 30 seconds while aiming for the middle of the plate. Dice may or may not start the game as well.

(C) Switch Places With Jeff Kent Day!: In this promotion, a lucky fan will be chosen to take Kent's place at second base. Having hands of stone and feet of concrete is not necessarily a prerequisite, but cannot hurt the fan's chances. In return, Jeff will wash that fan's truck and hopefully retain use of his wrists afterwards.

(D) Eric Chavez' Operation Giveaway: In a twist on the old classic board game, we have constructed 10,000 editions of Operation! that include a mockup of Chavez and his multitude of injured body parts. Hit the metal with the tongs and he says colorful things like: "Of course I'll be ready for the start of the season!" and "I've experienced a very minor setback" and "It feels good to support the team by cheering from the dugout, even though this full body cast makes it difficult to form a rally cap."

That's all the time that we have, but I hope that I've answered all of your questions and I also hope that you are as stoked as I am about the start of Rochester Baseball!

Stu McCorkindale - I’m having some marital difficulties and our counselor suggested I share the circumstances with others and let my feelings out. Here goes -

It is important for men to remember that, as women grow older, it becomes harder for them to maintain the same quality of housekeeping as when they were younger. When you notice this, try not to yell at them. Some are oversensitive, and there's nothing worse than an oversensitive woman.

My name is Stu. Let me relate how I handled the situation with my wife, Susan. When I took "early retirement" last year, it became necessary for Susan to get a full-time job along with her part time job, both for extra income and for the health benefits that we needed. Shortly after she started working, I noticed she was beginning to show her age.

I usually get home from the golf course about the same time she gets home from work. Although she knows how hungry I am, she almost always says she has to rest for half an hour or so before she starts dinner. I don't yell at her. Instead, I tell her to take her time and just wake me when she gets dinner on the table. I generally have lunch in the Men's Grill at the club so eating out is not reasonable. I'm ready for some home cooked grub when I hit that door.

She used to do the dishes as soon as we finished eating. But now it's not unusual for them to sit on the table for several hours after dinner. I do what I can by diplomatically reminding her several times each evening that they won't clean themselves. I know she really appreciates this, as it does seem to motivate her to get them done before she goes to bed.

Another symptom of aging is complaining, I think. For example she will say that it is difficult for her to find time to pay the monthly bills during her lunch hour. But, boys, we take 'em for better or worse, so I just smile and offer encouragement. I tell her to stretch it out over two or even three days. That way she won't have to rush so much. I also remind her that missing lunch completely now and then wouldn't hurt her any (if you know what I mean). I like to think tact is one of my strong points.

When doing simple jobs, she seems to think she needs more rest periods. She had to take a break when she was only half finished mowing the yard. I try not to make a scene. I'm a fair man. I tell her to fix herself a nice, big, cold glass of freshly squeezed lemonade and just sit for a while. And, as long as she is making one for herself, she may as well make one for me too.

I know that I probably look like a saint in the way I support Susan. I'm not saying that showing this much consideration is easy. Many men will find it difficult. Some will find it impossible! Nobody knows better than I do how frustrating women get as they get older. However, guys, even if you just use a little more tact and less criticism of your aging wife because of this article, I will consider that writing it was well worthwhile. After all, we are put on this earth to help each other.

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